they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We're too hungover to prance.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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