u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
