Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
