get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize