I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
