I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
