sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
