I just threw up on my dentist
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
