shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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