GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
