My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
