Pants 0. Shit 1.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
3 2 1 whiskey
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
