I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
