He asked me if I "almost moaned"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
