I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
