They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize