All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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