I didn't shave. On purpose
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
