Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
