she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize