i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
