Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize