i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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