i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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