so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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