mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
