Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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