look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
