my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
