2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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