# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
