so explain again why im purple
no
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
