I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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