Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
