i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
