So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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