you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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