Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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