he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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