I accidentally had phone sex last night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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