Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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