I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he puts the penis in happiness.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
