I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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