aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
