i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
