I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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