cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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