i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
