worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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