my mouth tastes like poor choices
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize