remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
