Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize