my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
