if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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