All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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