I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
vagina is talking i cant
you told grandpa to call you daddy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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