I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
