I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
