we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
