you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
