you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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