my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
