Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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