i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
