3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
