the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I could fuck to npr.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
