I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
