Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
