it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How does one acquire holy water?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
