my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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