One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
