just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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