Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
