I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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