There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
