i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
