HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
