is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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