I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
