I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
