I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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