she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
