apparently the secret to your success is patron
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
