it wasn't lemon gatorade
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
